I’m heartbroken

Yesterday (Sunday- November 12) my father passed away. It feels like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. I’m heartbroken and I feel an emptiness in my heart.

He wasn’t sick. He wakes up at his normal time. We talk, I moved him to his chair, and went to the bathroom to get ready his toothbrush.

I heard him making a noise and when I look he looks he was falling from the chair. I run to get him and he didn’t respond. My husband came after he heard me scream and between both of us, we put him back in bed. At that point I was calling and shaking him, however he wasn’t responding. We call 911 and less than 3 minutes they were at our house.

My brother arrives and step into the ambulance meanwhile I was crying, calling my other siblings, and waiting for my son to arrive so he can watch my two granddaughters. A few minutes later I arrived at the hospital and my father still unresponsive with no pulse. From the time he arrives to the hospital it took at least 20 minutes for the doctor to tell me, he was gone.

I can’t believe it. I want to wake up from terrible dream and see him sitting in his chair. I kept telling the doctor we were talking about the grandkids, when I was going to decorate his bedroom for Christmas, and he looks fine in perfect health. The doctor responds she was sorry about my loss and he went into cardiac arrest and he didn’t suffer.

Yesterday, Sunday November 12 my dad left this world in a peaceful way and went to heaven. I’m sure he’s reunited with my mother who passed away 31 years ago.

Today I’ve spend the day making funeral arrangements. We decide after Thursday church services he will be cremated. And after the holidays I will be traveling with my siblings back home to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mother.

I feel lonely, confused, and unhappy with God for taking him. It’s a normal reaction, is what everyone keeps telling me. I sit in his bed waiting for an answer and I can’t heard anything. I wasn’t ready to lose him either my family.

My dad turns 81, exactly a month ago. I will miss him, miss our talks, and watch together our Spanish TV Novelas.

Rest in Peace, my lovely Dad. One day, I will see you and mom in heaven. Please watch over us, my Guardian Angel.

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First snow!

I’ve been sick with the flu taking a lot of meds.  However, I wake up this morning looking at this beauty.

This beauty makes me want to begin Christmas decoration. I’m blessed for this beauty, no matter if I’m still sick.  I’m going back to bed, still not feeling good.

Gratitude

It has been three years since I read the book “The Magic” by Rhonda Byrne. It says you will attract what you desire and be grateful for the blessings. It’s a 30-day count blessing and teach the person to be consistent in gratitude. Since then my journal is growing with daily gratitude. However, it doesn’t mean my life is perfect. I’m not rich, no dream vacations yet, and my health isn’t 100%.

My husband isn’t a believer. He’s about if you wish for something rather to wait for your desire to come true you work for it. Also, he says if each person who reads the book get their dream comes true the world would be different. They would be no hunger, no wars, and it would be too perfect.

It’s tough to admit when he’s right. Obviously, we need good and bad days it creates balance in our lives. Besides, we can learn from our mistakes, grow as a person, and appreciate our blessings.

I love counting my blessings. It makes me feel gratitude for living another day and be a better person.

Daily Post: Gratitude