#JusJoJan ~ Happy New Year!

#JusJoJan 2019 ~January 1 – Write about 2018, your plans for 2019, or anything you’d like

Happy New Year to all my blogging friends!

Looking back, I did have a tough year. My depression dominated mostly the entire year and at some point, it cripples in achieving what I desire.

In 2018, my in-laws visit for the summer, I went to South Dakota, Wyoming, Arizona, my youngest son married in July, my daughter also married in Nov, I read and reviews more books than other years check my Goodreads challenge, I lost 20 pounds, I wrote almost every day, I began going to church- not every week but at least more frequent. So, what I’m missing? Why this mental illness wants to take over and ruins my life?

My husband asked me last night what I want on this New Year. I didn’t need to think too much. I want to be happy and this inside pain gone forever. How I make myself to be happy? I’ve been blessed with a wonderful husband, three children, and four grandkids. I’m blessed for having my family and a job I love, and for everything I own. What I don’t understand it’s this feeling that I’m missing something, and I feel lonely.

My only resolution or goal for 2019 will be taking care of this depression. I can’t continue living like nothing it’s happening. I’m tired of appearing that I’m happy and hiding my depression from everyone. I will concentrate on taking care of myself, so I can enjoy my life with my love ones.

#JusJoJan 2019

SoCS- Tin

In 1968 when we moved to Puerto Rico, we have a tinsel 4ft. Christmas tree. The tip of the tree looks like small palms. My mother would decorate the tree the day after Thanksgiving. The ornaments were red, green, and gold balls. She loves icicles, garlands, and for the top of the tree a colorful star.

My parents would decorate the living room windows with large light bulbs. The skirt of the tree was white with glitter on it. The glitter would be all over our clothes for days and under the Christmas tree we have a small nativity scene. The tree was beautiful. As we grew older the tree went into a table. We love laying down on the floor to watch the lights on the tree.

We didn’t celebrated Santa Claus since in Puerto Rico in 1968 no one did. Santa Claus came after the 90’s. Christmas Eve is the event everyone celebrated. We began the day preparing the food for the feast we would have on that night. First, we would go to church and after church the party begins. The 25th was more to stay at home watching movies and playing games.

We received our Christmas gifts on Jan 6th with the arrived of the Three Kings. On January 5th, we would grab an empty shoe box and decorated. We would cut grass from our yard, tied it with a beautiful ribbon, and put it inside the box and water. Also, we would write letters to The Three Kings. The box goes under our beds and the next morning we would get our gifts. Every kid in our neighborhood would get a gift because I didn’t know this until I was older. In our neighborhood everyone, took care of everyone, so every child has a gift. I missed those days.

SoCs~ Tin hosted by Linda G. Hill.

#SoCS badge-2017-18

My favorite Christmas as a child

This is one of my first memories of Christmas as a child. I can’t remember exactly the year; however, it could be 1968 when we moved back to Puerto Rico. I was 8 and my siblings were 5, 2, and three months old.

My bedroom wasn’t the biggest of the house and I didn’t have to share my bedroom with my siblings. There was a baby crib in my room, except I didn’t saw any of my younger siblings sleeping in there. After Thanksgiving, my mother would begin decorating for Christmas. One day I came from school and I saw a large object cover with blankets in the baby crib. It was as big as the crib. I stood in front of it and I call my mother. I ask her if she knew what it was. She looks at me and didn’t know what I was talking about because she didn’t see nothing at all. My brother who was 5 also saw a large object cover with blankets. We didn’t understand what was going on.

This is the story told by my mother about why my brother and I can see something in the crib and not her. First of all, The Three Kings choose homes of children well behaved for this special job, they’re respectful to their parents, and they show kindness to others. The chosen children would let whatever was under those blankets doing their job. There were a few conditions we have to follow, it can’t get touched by anyone, no peeking, do not tell anyone, especially other children or it will disappear forever. She gave us a hug and since she was the parent, she can’t see it. At our age, we didn’t question anything she told us contrary we felt special. We made a promise to respect the conditions no matter, I was anxious to tell my friends. However, I did keep my promise of not telling, besides no one would believe us.

My brother and I would imagine all different kinds of things hiding under those blankets. My brother always saw movements under the covers. We wrote a letter to the Three Kings thanking them for choosing us and for whatever it was under the covers.

The large object in the baby crib stays in my bedroom for a week. One day, I came home from school and it was gone. Looking at the empty crib, we begin to cry thinking that one us broke the rules. My mother saw a letter in the crib and it was from The Three Kings. The letter was a thank you note for being good and for keeping the promise. They told us they sent one of their camels to check the children and they choose our home. The camel loves the crib and he didn’t want to leave. The Three Kings were grateful to us for letting the camel does his job and they promised they would be back on Jan 6th. And the following year they would choose another family. We were the happiest kids in the neighborhood and we kept the secret.

The Three Kings came as they promised. A few years passed and we never mentioned it again. Also, with time pass the memories began to fade. However, when I was a teenager the memory of that day came back. I ask my mother for the truth about what was under those blankets. She would tell me if I promise I will never tell my siblings unless they asked her. And Yes, I keep my promise.

Therefore, here is the real story. My parents went shopping and they bought our presents. One of them was a big toy tractor for one of my brothers. When they got home, I was coming from school. They didn’t have the chance to hide the presents. In a quick second they decide to put the presents it in the crib and covered with a bunch of blankets until my father made the space in their closet. I can’t believe for an entire week our presents were hiding in my bedroom.

After my mother finish, I began to remember my brother getting a toy tractor from The Three Kings. What can I say? something that simple. My mother story makes us feel the magic of Christmas. She had the talent to create amazing stories full of magic. And that’s the reason is one of my favorite memories.

Confess

I put aside my sadness and my Christmas wasn’t too bad. I’ve a gathering with my family on Christmas Eve. We ate a lot, drink wine, laugh, and tell stories. My father was in our minds and I noticed a little bit of tears coming from my younger sister. We have a wonderful time and we cherish some memories.

On Christmas day, only my older son with my grandson came for Christmas. We spend the day playing games, watching movies, and eating. My grandkids have fun. My other two kids, my youngest went with his fiancé and baby to see her family in Minnesota. My daughter stays in Arizona by herself, she can’t get out of work. We got to talk on the phone and she got to talk to the girls who were missing her. It was a great day.

However, one day after Christmas I lost my beloved dog. She was 10 years old and my companion. On Christmas day she looks happy and she was playing with her new toys. However, it looks she was catching a cold because she spends part of the afternoon sneezing. By then she went into my bedroom where she has her little bed and lay down. She didn’t eat and didn’t want to go outside. Before I went to bed, I give her a hug and clean her eyes. My husband called her in the morning to take her outside and he noticed she was gone. Everyone its devastated she was our spoiled precious dog. Our other dog looks sad and he goes into my room looking for her. He comes out with his head down and lay next to me. It’s kind like comforting us, especially the girls.

We cremated her and when spring comes she will be buried close to my flower garden. That was her favorite place. I confess, this holiday season has been awful. I lost my father and my dog. I feel empty, depressed, and a sadness its keeping me awake all night. I’m trying to control myself, however I can’t stop crying. I hope tomorrow I feel better.

Daily Post: Confess

Jolly

I’m done decorating the house except for my dad’s bedroom. It’s hard to be in his bedroom looking at his belonging also I can smell him. On Friday, my sibling came to the house for his monthly rosary. I can’t believe it’s been a month since he passed. I’m trying to be strong for my family, especially for my grandkids.

Last night, we took the grandkids to the Christmas lightning at the park. They have a Christmas display from different small business around the park and the drive become a fun one. The Christmas lights and the music it makes you feel right into the season. Then we ride around the town to check the decorations and we end the night with a cup of hot cocoa cover in marshmallows.

In two weeks Christmas will be here and for most of the people the holiday season will be over. I’m trying to hide my sadness and my sorrow all for the joy of my family. They deserved a happy Christmas.

I realized our life can be gone in a second for that reason lets the jolly Christmas be in our heart. Let’s enjoy every minute with our love ones. You never know it could be the last one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Post: Jolly