Restart

 

I’ve finally returned from my trip. My father is finally in his resting place with my mother. I got to see my family and spend time with them. For all the siblings it was 21 years since where together in the same place.

At the time of the burial it began to rain and lasted exactly until his grave was closed. The most beautiful thing was that a beautiful and bright rainbow came out as if my parents sent us a message of love.

Here are some photos.

 

Daily Post: Restart

Courage

In four days I’m going to take my father’s ashes back home. I’ve the courage to move his urn to my living room close to my chair. His bedroom door still close. At soon I leave on Tuesday my husband will be cleaning it up. My father’s clothes would be donated to the Goodwill store. The wheelchair, walker, and his shower chair it will be in a closet until I find someone who can need it.

I’m preparing myself with courage and lots of prayers. The day is approaching and I’m taking baby steps. My two siblings in Puerto Rico are making the arrangements for his funeral service. Spending time with all my family it would be less painful.

When this is all over I hope I’m strong enough to move on. He will be always in my heart like my mother.


Here is a picture of my father’s urn also my little dog who also is next to my chair.

Daily Post: Courage

A sad trip

In two weeks I will be traveling with my two brothers and my sister to Puerto Rico. We are taking our father’s ashes to his last resting place. He will be buried with my mother. I’m having mixed feelings about it. For a moment I feel ready to take him back and the next time I want to keep him here with me.

When I walk near his bedroom it’s as if I see him sitting in his bed watching his western movies. It’s going to be a tough day, however it’s time to let him go.

 

From this sad trip there is one thing it makes me happy, all six children will be together. We will be supporting each other and united more than ever. It will ease the pain of our father’s loss.

All together in 1997

#JusJoJan Daily Prompt January 16th, 2018- Contemplation

As I contemplate my father’s empty bedroom, I am overwhelmed with sadness. It’s been two months since my father passed away and I can still feel his presence. There are times that I relive that day, the day I lost him. I remember when we were talking for a moment and a few minutes later he collapsed. As my father closes his eyes in the meantime, I’m screaming please open your eyes and tell me you’re fine. While I contemplate his empty bedroom, I sit in his bed waiting to hear his voice. I can’t believe it’s been two months since you passed away. I miss him too much.

 

This prompt is brought to you by Just Jot it January, and in particular, prompted by the word “contemplation,” provided by Cheryl. You can find Cheryl’s JusJoJan post by clicking right here. To participate in the prompt, please visit this post, where you’ll find the rules and you can leave your link in the comments.

 

Jolly

I’m done decorating the house except for my dad’s bedroom. It’s hard to be in his bedroom looking at his belonging also I can smell him. On Friday, my sibling came to the house for his monthly rosary. I can’t believe it’s been a month since he passed. I’m trying to be strong for my family, especially for my grandkids.

Last night, we took the grandkids to the Christmas lightning at the park. They have a Christmas display from different small business around the park and the drive become a fun one. The Christmas lights and the music it makes you feel right into the season. Then we ride around the town to check the decorations and we end the night with a cup of hot cocoa cover in marshmallows.

In two weeks Christmas will be here and for most of the people the holiday season will be over. I’m trying to hide my sadness and my sorrow all for the joy of my family. They deserved a happy Christmas.

I realized our life can be gone in a second for that reason lets the jolly Christmas be in our heart. Let’s enjoy every minute with our love ones. You never know it could be the last one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Post: Jolly

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is one of the most important day of the year it’s the beginning of the holidays. The house is quiet and I’m already have the turkey in the oven. We will have thanksgiving lunch, since my daughter in law has to work. The Thanksgiving dinner reunion for the rest of the family will be tonight at my nephew’s home.

This was my dad’s favorite holiday and it’s been 12 days since he passed. I can’t stop crying when I look at his bedroom and today it will be a tough one. I don’t want the kids to notice I’m getting depressed all over again. They are expecting to see a few decorations and to listen to my Christmas songs.

I hope I can get the strength to at least have something done for them. I know in my heart; my dad would like for me to move on. However, I miss him and my heart feels sadness.

To the ones who celebrated this holiday, Happy Thanksgiving and cherish every moment.

Missing him…

It has been exactly a week since I lose my father. I’ve been gone from social media and from my blog, my mind is all mess up.
For the past five years I took care of him and I want to think he left been happy. Every time I go upstairs and look at his room, I can still see him sitting in his bed.
I don’t want to be mad at God, but then again, I pray hard to God asking to save his life. I feel abandoned by God. People keep telling me it was his time; however, I wasn’t ready. The doctor checked on him two weeks ago and his legs and posture were getting stronger. The only issue he was complaining was a pain in his shoulder. I asked God why now my dad has to die.
My dad was excited when I get him a poinsettia for his room. He was excited to see his room decorated for the holidays.
On Friday I receive his urn. It’s hard looking at the urn in his room. I can’t stop crying when I look at it. His urn would be in his room until we can get him back to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mom.
I want to thank for the nice comments and condolences. I need to take a short break. I’ve a bunch of paperwork from him I’ve to take care and I need the time to grieve.

Thanks again…

I’m heartbroken

Yesterday (Sunday- November 12) my father passed away. It feels like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. I’m heartbroken and I feel an emptiness in my heart.

He wasn’t sick. He wakes up at his normal time. We talk, I moved him to his chair, and went to the bathroom to get ready his toothbrush.

I heard him making a noise and when I look he looks he was falling from the chair. I run to get him and he didn’t respond. My husband came after he heard me scream and between both of us, we put him back in bed. At that point I was calling and shaking him, however he wasn’t responding. We call 911 and less than 3 minutes they were at our house.

My brother arrives and step into the ambulance meanwhile I was crying, calling my other siblings, and waiting for my son to arrive so he can watch my two granddaughters. A few minutes later I arrived at the hospital and my father still unresponsive with no pulse. From the time he arrives to the hospital it took at least 20 minutes for the doctor to tell me, he was gone.

I can’t believe it. I want to wake up from terrible dream and see him sitting in his chair. I kept telling the doctor we were talking about the grandkids, when I was going to decorate his bedroom for Christmas, and he looks fine in perfect health. The doctor responds she was sorry about my loss and he went into cardiac arrest and he didn’t suffer.

Yesterday, Sunday November 12 my dad left this world in a peaceful way and went to heaven. I’m sure he’s reunited with my mother who passed away 31 years ago.

Today I’ve spend the day making funeral arrangements. We decide after Thursday church services he will be cremated. And after the holidays I will be traveling with my siblings back home to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mother.

I feel lonely, confused, and unhappy with God for taking him. It’s a normal reaction, is what everyone keeps telling me. I sit in his bed waiting for an answer and I can’t heard anything. I wasn’t ready to lose him either my family.

My dad turns 81, exactly a month ago. I will miss him, miss our talks, and watch together our Spanish TV Novelas.

Rest in Peace, my lovely Dad. One day, I will see you and mom in heaven. Please watch over us, my Guardian Angel.

Positive Life

“You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind”

True. When I read this quote it gives me a reason to make an effort to change my negative feelings. The past couple of days everybody has been talking about Mr. Robin Williams has depression and how he took his own life. When I heard the news I was shocked and started to cry. I felt this awful pain of losing a great and one of my favorite’s actors. I have been thinking the pain his family and friends are feeling and it makes me realize I don’t want my family to experience the same.

This is one of the reasons I have decided to take control of my life. I know it will not be easy; however, with the medication and the help of my family I can do this. I have to be strong for them.

What I’m doing right now beside the medication? I have been starting the day with a prayer and then I count at least five of my daily blessings, it helps. I have been keeping my mind busy with listening to music when I can, reading a book, writing in my journal about my feelings (I do this daily and helps), and watching a good show on TV.

The medication that I’m taking is making my life a little easier and as results my attitude has been improved, the tears are almost gone, and I’m sleeping again.

I can appreciate all the blessings and I’m starting to feel them, too.

Thank you for giving me another day and for the strength to keep moving on. Thank you for keeping me smiling, maintaining a healthy mind, and loving my family especially my grandkids.

Mr. Robin Williams rest in peace and thank you for making me laugh. You will be missed. I will miss your work and your smile. To your family I wish them, peace.

 

 

 

imagesLS4M3XQF