A sad trip

In two weeks I will be traveling with my two brothers and my sister to Puerto Rico. We are taking our father’s ashes to his last resting place. He will be buried with my mother. I’m having mixed feelings about it. For a moment I feel ready to take him back and the next time I want to keep him here with me.

When I walk near his bedroom it’s as if I see him sitting in his bed watching his western movies. It’s going to be a tough day, however it’s time to let him go.

 

From this sad trip there is one thing it makes me happy, all six children will be together. We will be supporting each other and united more than ever. It will ease the pain of our father’s loss.

All together in 1997

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Missing him…

It has been exactly a week since I lose my father. I’ve been gone from social media and from my blog, my mind is all mess up.
For the past five years I took care of him and I want to think he left been happy. Every time I go upstairs and look at his room, I can still see him sitting in his bed.
I don’t want to be mad at God, but then again, I pray hard to God asking to save his life. I feel abandoned by God. People keep telling me it was his time; however, I wasn’t ready. The doctor checked on him two weeks ago and his legs and posture were getting stronger. The only issue he was complaining was a pain in his shoulder. I asked God why now my dad has to die.
My dad was excited when I get him a poinsettia for his room. He was excited to see his room decorated for the holidays.
On Friday I receive his urn. It’s hard looking at the urn in his room. I can’t stop crying when I look at it. His urn would be in his room until we can get him back to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mom.
I want to thank for the nice comments and condolences. I need to take a short break. I’ve a bunch of paperwork from him I’ve to take care and I need the time to grieve.

Thanks again…

I’m heartbroken

Yesterday (Sunday- November 12) my father passed away. It feels like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. I’m heartbroken and I feel an emptiness in my heart.

He wasn’t sick. He wakes up at his normal time. We talk, I moved him to his chair, and went to the bathroom to get ready his toothbrush.

I heard him making a noise and when I look he looks he was falling from the chair. I run to get him and he didn’t respond. My husband came after he heard me scream and between both of us, we put him back in bed. At that point I was calling and shaking him, however he wasn’t responding. We call 911 and less than 3 minutes they were at our house.

My brother arrives and step into the ambulance meanwhile I was crying, calling my other siblings, and waiting for my son to arrive so he can watch my two granddaughters. A few minutes later I arrived at the hospital and my father still unresponsive with no pulse. From the time he arrives to the hospital it took at least 20 minutes for the doctor to tell me, he was gone.

I can’t believe it. I want to wake up from terrible dream and see him sitting in his chair. I kept telling the doctor we were talking about the grandkids, when I was going to decorate his bedroom for Christmas, and he looks fine in perfect health. The doctor responds she was sorry about my loss and he went into cardiac arrest and he didn’t suffer.

Yesterday, Sunday November 12 my dad left this world in a peaceful way and went to heaven. I’m sure he’s reunited with my mother who passed away 31 years ago.

Today I’ve spend the day making funeral arrangements. We decide after Thursday church services he will be cremated. And after the holidays I will be traveling with my siblings back home to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mother.

I feel lonely, confused, and unhappy with God for taking him. It’s a normal reaction, is what everyone keeps telling me. I sit in his bed waiting for an answer and I can’t heard anything. I wasn’t ready to lose him either my family.

My dad turns 81, exactly a month ago. I will miss him, miss our talks, and watch together our Spanish TV Novelas.

Rest in Peace, my lovely Dad. One day, I will see you and mom in heaven. Please watch over us, my Guardian Angel.

Temporary

My dad has rotator cuff in his right shoulder and he always is in pain. However, the last couples of days the pain has been awful. I hate seeing him in pain and I feel helpless. I get depressed watching him feeling miserable. I call the doctor and he came a few hours ago. He gave him an injection of cortisone. The injection would cause him a temporary relief and it would last for a few months. At least I know he would sleep and feel better. After he went to bed, I went for my walk and now we can all have a good sleep.   

 

Daily Post: Temporary