A sad trip

In two weeks I will be traveling with my two brothers and my sister to Puerto Rico. We are taking our father’s ashes to his last resting place. He will be buried with my mother. I’m having mixed feelings about it. For a moment I feel ready to take him back and the next time I want to keep him here with me.

When I walk near his bedroom it’s as if I see him sitting in his bed watching his western movies. It’s going to be a tough day, however it’s time to let him go.

 

From this sad trip there is one thing it makes me happy, all six children will be together. We will be supporting each other and united more than ever. It will ease the pain of our father’s loss.

All together in 1997

Confess

I put aside my sadness and my Christmas wasn’t too bad. I’ve a gathering with my family on Christmas Eve. We ate a lot, drink wine, laugh, and tell stories. My father was in our minds and I noticed a little bit of tears coming from my younger sister. We have a wonderful time and we cherish some memories.

On Christmas day, only my older son with my grandson came for Christmas. We spend the day playing games, watching movies, and eating. My grandkids have fun. My other two kids, my youngest went with his fiancé and baby to see her family in Minnesota. My daughter stays in Arizona by herself, she can’t get out of work. We got to talk on the phone and she got to talk to the girls who were missing her. It was a great day.

However, one day after Christmas I lost my beloved dog. She was 10 years old and my companion. On Christmas day she looks happy and she was playing with her new toys. However, it looks she was catching a cold because she spends part of the afternoon sneezing. By then she went into my bedroom where she has her little bed and lay down. She didn’t eat and didn’t want to go outside. Before I went to bed, I give her a hug and clean her eyes. My husband called her in the morning to take her outside and he noticed she was gone. Everyone its devastated she was our spoiled precious dog. Our other dog looks sad and he goes into my room looking for her. He comes out with his head down and lay next to me. It’s kind like comforting us, especially the girls.

We cremated her and when spring comes she will be buried close to my flower garden. That was her favorite place. I confess, this holiday season has been awful. I lost my father and my dog. I feel empty, depressed, and a sadness its keeping me awake all night. I’m trying to control myself, however I can’t stop crying. I hope tomorrow I feel better.

Daily Post: Confess

Missing him…

It has been exactly a week since I lose my father. I’ve been gone from social media and from my blog, my mind is all mess up.
For the past five years I took care of him and I want to think he left been happy. Every time I go upstairs and look at his room, I can still see him sitting in his bed.
I don’t want to be mad at God, but then again, I pray hard to God asking to save his life. I feel abandoned by God. People keep telling me it was his time; however, I wasn’t ready. The doctor checked on him two weeks ago and his legs and posture were getting stronger. The only issue he was complaining was a pain in his shoulder. I asked God why now my dad has to die.
My dad was excited when I get him a poinsettia for his room. He was excited to see his room decorated for the holidays.
On Friday I receive his urn. It’s hard looking at the urn in his room. I can’t stop crying when I look at it. His urn would be in his room until we can get him back to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mom.
I want to thank for the nice comments and condolences. I need to take a short break. I’ve a bunch of paperwork from him I’ve to take care and I need the time to grieve.

Thanks again…

I’m heartbroken

Yesterday (Sunday- November 12) my father passed away. It feels like I’m in a dream and I can’t wake up. I’m heartbroken and I feel an emptiness in my heart.

He wasn’t sick. He wakes up at his normal time. We talk, I moved him to his chair, and went to the bathroom to get ready his toothbrush.

I heard him making a noise and when I look he looks he was falling from the chair. I run to get him and he didn’t respond. My husband came after he heard me scream and between both of us, we put him back in bed. At that point I was calling and shaking him, however he wasn’t responding. We call 911 and less than 3 minutes they were at our house.

My brother arrives and step into the ambulance meanwhile I was crying, calling my other siblings, and waiting for my son to arrive so he can watch my two granddaughters. A few minutes later I arrived at the hospital and my father still unresponsive with no pulse. From the time he arrives to the hospital it took at least 20 minutes for the doctor to tell me, he was gone.

I can’t believe it. I want to wake up from terrible dream and see him sitting in his chair. I kept telling the doctor we were talking about the grandkids, when I was going to decorate his bedroom for Christmas, and he looks fine in perfect health. The doctor responds she was sorry about my loss and he went into cardiac arrest and he didn’t suffer.

Yesterday, Sunday November 12 my dad left this world in a peaceful way and went to heaven. I’m sure he’s reunited with my mother who passed away 31 years ago.

Today I’ve spend the day making funeral arrangements. We decide after Thursday church services he will be cremated. And after the holidays I will be traveling with my siblings back home to Puerto Rico, where he will be buried with my mother.

I feel lonely, confused, and unhappy with God for taking him. It’s a normal reaction, is what everyone keeps telling me. I sit in his bed waiting for an answer and I can’t heard anything. I wasn’t ready to lose him either my family.

My dad turns 81, exactly a month ago. I will miss him, miss our talks, and watch together our Spanish TV Novelas.

Rest in Peace, my lovely Dad. One day, I will see you and mom in heaven. Please watch over us, my Guardian Angel.

Tragedy in Las Vegas

Please pray for those we lost last night in Las Vegas and for their friends and loved ones. I don’t understand why these senseless acts continue causing so much pain and heartache. It’s a helpless feeling watching this and not knowing what to do to ease the suffering. We can help by changing ourselves, let’s be kinder and more loving to everyone we meet. Smile at a stranger. Say a kind word to a co-worker. Make time for a child.
Let’s create a ripple effect and honor those lost by being better people.

May God bless and hold close the innocent killed in this senseless tragedy.

 

One- Liner Wednesday- Sad

This is a very sad day. Yesterday the world lost Carrie Fisher a wonderful actress from my favorite movie of all time. Just a few minutes ago, they announced her mother, Debbie Reynolds just passed away. 😦                                                             RIP…Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds both will be missed.

mournOne-Liner Wednesday is hosted by Linda G. Hill.

#1Liner

Understanding

I was out all day having an amazing day with my hubby and my granddaughters also visit my brother who is not feeling good. When I got home after feeding the dogs I turn on my computer and the first thing I saw it was the tragedy in Orlando, Florida.  I was in shock and disgusting for all the hatred we are experiencing lately. When all this hatred is going to end? We have lost 50 innocent people my thoughts and prayers go out to the families and friends of these victims. I would never understand why all these tragedies keep happening.

sad

 

Daily Prompt: Understanding