Jolt

Very true. What was my little jolt? Yes, I know I’m 56 and it has me take a while to figure things out also appreciate them. The depression likes to take over, however I’ve made a decision to change for good. I’ve lost from my family so much that enough is enough. Not be able to assist to my granddaughter’s baptism, it has been the little jolt I need. I’m not at the family picture from that special day. I broke into tears.

 

Here is what I’m doing:

1-    Take my medicine for depression – I’m taking it daily.

2-    Take my medicine for my Type 2 diabetes- I’m taking it twice a day, no matter if they make me sick in my stomach.

3-    I’ve begin eating healthy and no more than 1200 calories. Watching what I’m eating and I’m keeping track with an app on my phone. I’ve already lose 10 pounds.

4-    I’m walking every day. It clears my mind. Plus, my grandson and my dog are loving it.

5-    Using less social media. I didn’t realize it was taking too much of my time.

6-    I went back to my online classes. I’m taking “Writing Fiction” and they’re fun.

7-    I’m reading more than usual.

8-    I’m taking the time to pray and meditate. It has been great for my soul.

 

I want to be happy and healthy. I can’t let the depression take over. It took a simple photo to make me realize how much I was missing.

Daily Post: Jolt

Healing

Since I stop being on social media it has been fantastic. I’m relax and enjoying other things. I get tempted to peak on my phone or computer once in a while.  However, I will get used to it and it won’t control my life. It was causing emotional stress and it wasn’t fun anymore. I’ve time to write daily filing up pages in my journal with positive thinking and working on my stories. I’m sure I will be back and then I will eliminate those friends and family and they would not have control of me.

Plus, I’ve begin with my spring cleaning and planning to start planting in my garden. Taking this break has helped with my depression and also with my type 2 diabetes. I don’t feel overwhelmed.  I didn’t realize how much energy I’ve waste with social media. I’m listening to more music, reading more than usual, and writing every day. I can’t believe I’m walking and feel more relaxed. I know everything in life has a limit and I was overboard.

 I’ve to let go what makes me feel unhappy like losing my mother years ago plus not having the help of my siblings with our dad. Yes, I need to let it go and heal my soul.

 

Heal

I need this

I’ve been dealing with depression what it looks like forever. I’ve days I feel great, energetic, and positive wanting to do anything.  However, it can change in a second feeling opposite and wanting to be alone. The mood swings are interfering with my life and hurting the people I love. 

My family wants me to make a few changes like eating healthier, meditate, and take a break. Lately I’ve been taking everything seriously and too personal and I need to stop. I want to be the person I was before instead I’ve turned on this moody and cranky person. It makes feel guilty and unhappy.

The word “pause” is a reflection on what I need to do. I’ve to reconnect with all the things that it makes me feel blessed.  My daughter has suggested to disconnect with social media for a while such as Facebook. When I open my account, it was to reconnect with my family and longtime friends. In the beginning, it was exciting to find them to look at their family pictures and how much they have accomplished. However, the fun and the excitement completely gone. Facebook has turned into a bunch of complainers who loves to spread their negativity. Sadly, I’ve to eliminate some from my list of friends, including family members.

I won’t close my account.  I’ve nice people I care very much, I simply want to take a break. Very soon school will be over and my vacation will begin.  It will be time for camping with my grandkids also planning a few trips out of the state.

For now, I’m keeping my Pinterest and my blog. I feel relaxed when I’m blogging or pinning of course, watch a few TV shows, too. Taking care of myself will be good at the end it will take me on a journey to a new me.

 

Daily Post: Pause

Blur

I took an online class “Write your Life Story” and it shows you how to begin writing from the earliest memories of your life. When I begin to write from the 8-12 some of the memories became blurred. The loving and fun part, those are clear and sharp, however the one I called dark or nightmares those are blurred.  I want to remember so I can write and talk about it, but it looks I’ve been hiding them in the deepest of my soul. Do I want to dig those memories? I would say yes, so I can move on. If I kept them hidden they look, it never existed, however I know it’s there. Those memories have been hiding for so long, not even my parents know. That’s the reason I get depressed easily.

blur

Blur

Realize

My mother uses to tell me “not everything that it shines is gold” and “stop trusting everyone”. As a teenager, I didn’t understand it at all.  Of course over the years, those words begin more clear. My mother’s words stick in my head and I realize some of those famous mom’s quotes make all the sense of the world.

 I’ve always been a trusted person and for that reason, is easy being manipulated.  It makes me upset when they make me feel and look foolish. I know everywhere we go we can find that type of person, including in our own family circle. Those are the ones it hurt the most.

 I do realize is part of life and there’s no perfect world. We truly need to keep trying to do our best. I believe half of the time I’m a strong person, however when depression hits I turn into a helpless soul. It’s when my feelings get hurt easily.

 A few weeks ago, during my time of depression I received a card from my best friend who didn’t know I was in need of a friend. The card has this message “The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” The message came at the right time and what a moment for me.  I understand now “not everything that it shines is gold”, but then I realize I need to grab and keep the ones who truly shines.

 

Realize

Pretend

Today’s prompt is the word “Pretend”. How many people pretends a life they don’t have? Yes, I was that person.

When I was in elementary school, I would tell my mother how wonderful day I have when the truth I’ve been bullied. I start pretending a happiness a didn’t exist.

As I grow older, pretending became part of me. I started being depressed as early as I can remember. To keep it to myself, I pretend to look happy. The depression got worse over the years, especially when I was pregnant with my younger son.

Finally, I decide it was time to find help and tell my family without being ashamed. I’ve met others who are suffering with depression and I don’t feel alone anymore.

I’m thankful for the support I’ve received from my family. I don’t need to pretend no more.

 

 

Pretend

Passionate

I’m passionate about many things like reading, cooking, and music, however I’ve days I don’t want to do nothing at all. Last week I’ve begun to plan for the baby shower and clean the house for the party and decorating for Halloween. All that passion and energy was a week ago. During the weekend I began to feel a little depressed, and when I’ve those feelings I get lazy, frustrated and feeling lonely.

Until I start to feel great again, I would take time to relax, read a little bit, play with the dogs, and watch some TV. Just now I turn on the computer to answer a few emails, read some bloggers, and write this prompt. I hope this week I would get better and be on track again. I need to make invitations, plan a few games, and buy a few things for the baby.

Tomorrow is a New Day and I will feel amazing again.

passionate

Passionate