New Goals- New Year 2018

It’s the last day of 2017. Every year I make a list of goals for the New Year’s. Looking back, I’ve accomplished the majority of them except for making changes on my blog. I begin my first resolution of the year watching and cutting sugars, meaning I’ve lost 30 pounds. I did a lot of walking until the cold weather begun. I accomplished my reading challenge in Goodreads with a goal of 60 and I read 87. I also made a few trips that what’s great, we remodel a few things in my home also great, and a lot of family time. During this summer, I spend time with my grandkids going to the park, the lake, the fair, birthdays, movies, you name it. I’m blessed having my two granddaughters moving in for the school year. Next summer they would be going back to Arizona with my daughter. Finally, she’s graduating and getting a full-time job, her dream job. However, the last two months not so great. In November 12, I lost my father and December 26, my sweet dog Taina.

Don’t take me wrong, I’ve a nice Christmas until the following day. Since then I’ve been depressed also sick with the flu. My mind feels all over the place with no purpose in life.I know in my heart, I’ve a purpose, but I need to find it. I’ve been blessed with a beautiful family, an amazing job, and good friends who are there when you not expected. My goals for 2018 would be at a different level. I want to challenge myself and find my purpose.

My goals for 2018:
1- I’m going back to my church. I need to take care of myself spiritually.
2- I want to reread and study the bible.
3- Be a better person and not judge so quickly.
4- I want to do some volunteering work.
5- I want to participate in a soup kitchen. A friend of mine has been doing it for years.
6- Our principal in our school has a reading program. This will be good for me so I’m signing in.
7- Keep my mind and body healthy. As soon the weather begins to change I’m going back for my walk, meanwhile keep watching what I eat.
8- I’ll be signing for another Goodreads reading challenge. Maybe not reading as many books like before, but reading makes me feel relaxed.
9- I want to do something special with my husband for our 35th anniversary.
10- Spend time with my family and create memories.

Daily Post: Finally

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Confess

I put aside my sadness and my Christmas wasn’t too bad. I’ve a gathering with my family on Christmas Eve. We ate a lot, drink wine, laugh, and tell stories. My father was in our minds and I noticed a little bit of tears coming from my younger sister. We have a wonderful time and we cherish some memories.

On Christmas day, only my older son with my grandson came for Christmas. We spend the day playing games, watching movies, and eating. My grandkids have fun. My other two kids, my youngest went with his fiancé and baby to see her family in Minnesota. My daughter stays in Arizona by herself, she can’t get out of work. We got to talk on the phone and she got to talk to the girls who were missing her. It was a great day.

However, one day after Christmas I lost my beloved dog. She was 10 years old and my companion. On Christmas day she looks happy and she was playing with her new toys. However, it looks she was catching a cold because she spends part of the afternoon sneezing. By then she went into my bedroom where she has her little bed and lay down. She didn’t eat and didn’t want to go outside. Before I went to bed, I give her a hug and clean her eyes. My husband called her in the morning to take her outside and he noticed she was gone. Everyone its devastated she was our spoiled precious dog. Our other dog looks sad and he goes into my room looking for her. He comes out with his head down and lay next to me. It’s kind like comforting us, especially the girls.

We cremated her and when spring comes she will be buried close to my flower garden. That was her favorite place. I confess, this holiday season has been awful. I lost my father and my dog. I feel empty, depressed, and a sadness its keeping me awake all night. I’m trying to control myself, however I can’t stop crying. I hope tomorrow I feel better.

Daily Post: Confess

Fragrance

After my cancer treatment, my sense of smell is extremely sensitive. I can detect any smell at a distance and I really don’t like it at all. I’m careful to use certain fragrances and I don’t like it when someone uses too much. My fragrances must be very soft with scents of flowers and citrus. When I feel depressed I look at the mirror looking for answers sometimes I can’t find. However, when I just need to put some of my favorite fragrances to feel at peace with myself.

 

Daily Post: Fragrance

Cringe

I’ve try to figure things up with my family meaning with my siblings. I’m the oldest of six and three of them lives a few blocks from my home.

I’ve been taking care of my dad since 2012. My husband and my kids support my decision with one simple condition I will get help from my three siblings.

When I brought my dad into my home, they were willing to help at least with his showers. They would take turns also they didn’t want to come on the weekends and I agree.

Then one by one they begin to complain. They complain about back pains, pinch nerves in their necks, or pain in their bodies. And one day they stop coming. For the past three years I’ve been taking care of my dad with the help from my husband.

My siblings come to visit on special occasions like his birthday or holidays no longer than 30 minutes. On Father’s Day two of them came with a gift and took a few pictures. They posted the picture in social media with a comment “happy day with dad”. Someone made a comment under the picture “how lucky they are and they have won a piece of heaven for taking care of him”.

I cringe every time I read the comment or see the picture. My dad doesn’t know what’s happening and I try not to show my emotions. I feel sad and depressed when something like this continue to happen.

As now, my responsibility is to take care of him and grateful for having my husband helping me. The hospital close from my home has a program call “Home Health Care” and they will be coming for a couple of months. We are lucky it will be covered by his Medicare. However, I don’t know how long it’s going to last.

I love my family and I always do; however, I feel so disconnected. I don’t want this incident to shadow the happiness of having my dad in my home. They are missing the opportunity to spend time with our dad.

Daily Post: Cringe

One-Liner Wednesday~Different Paths

“Just Because My Path is different doesn’t Mean I’m Lost.”

It’s true. I’ve been telling them I’m fine, just trying new things, however they still think I need help. I’m talking about my siblings. Just because I don’t participate in their activities or drink with them, means I’m depressed. I suffer depression for a long time, but it doesn’t mean I’m depressed  all the time. At this moment I feel great, healthy-lost 22 pounds-,  and happy for spending time with my grandkids. To my siblings, I think it’s time to move on.

 

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

One-liner Wednesday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Visit her blog, it’s amazing.

Qualm

In exactly seven days it will be the end the school year. No matter how excited I can be about summer vacation, I’ve the qualms about being off for three months without a paycheck. My husband doesn’t want me to find a temporary part-time job. He constantly reminds me how short the summer can be in North Dakota.  Also, I’m picking up our granddaughters in Arizona the following day. They will be spending the summer with us. Our first plan for the summer would be camping at the lake. It’s their favorite place.

 I know I worried too much and after a while of rethinking I realize everything will be okay. My husband wants me to enjoy and relax, especially after being suffering with depression almost the entire winter. What can I say I married a wonderful man and after 34 years he still shows how important I am to him.

 

Daily Post: Qualm

Feeling Better!

I began watching what I eat and walking about a two months ago. Since then I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’m taking medication and I supposed its helping, too.  I’ve my days where I wake up feeling depressed and feeling lost. However, going walking every afternoon has been helpful. I love my walks, especially when my husband comes with me.

In two weeks, I’ve a checkup with my doctor and I anxious to see how my blood levels would be. It’s great when you feel healthy and stress free. I’ve my ugly moment; however, I feel I can control myself much better.

 

Daily Post: Better