Cringe

I’ve try to figure things up with my family meaning with my siblings. I’m the oldest of six and three of them lives a few blocks from my home.

I’ve been taking care of my dad since 2012. My husband and my kids support my decision with one simple condition I will get help from my three siblings.

When I brought my dad into my home, they were willing to help at least with his showers. They would take turns also they didn’t want to come on the weekends and I agree.

Then one by one they begin to complain. They complain about back pains, pinch nerves in their necks, or pain in their bodies. And one day they stop coming. For the past three years I’ve been taking care of my dad with the help from my husband.

My siblings come to visit on special occasions like his birthday or holidays no longer than 30 minutes. On Father’s Day two of them came with a gift and took a few pictures. They posted the picture in social media with a comment “happy day with dad”. Someone made a comment under the picture “how lucky they are and they have won a piece of heaven for taking care of him”.

I cringe every time I read the comment or see the picture. My dad doesn’t know what’s happening and I try not to show my emotions. I feel sad and depressed when something like this continue to happen.

As now, my responsibility is to take care of him and grateful for having my husband helping me. The hospital close from my home has a program call “Home Health Care” and they will be coming for a couple of months. We are lucky it will be covered by his Medicare. However, I don’t know how long it’s going to last.

I love my family and I always do; however, I feel so disconnected. I don’t want this incident to shadow the happiness of having my dad in my home. They are missing the opportunity to spend time with our dad.

Daily Post: Cringe

One-Liner Wednesday~Different Paths

“Just Because My Path is different doesn’t Mean I’m Lost.”

It’s true. I’ve been telling them I’m fine, just trying new things, however they still think I need help. I’m talking about my siblings. Just because I don’t participate in their activities or drink with them, means I’m depressed. I suffer depression for a long time, but it doesn’t mean I’m depressed  all the time. At this moment I feel great, healthy-lost 22 pounds-,  and happy for spending time with my grandkids. To my siblings, I think it’s time to move on.

 

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

#1linerWeds badge by Dan Antion

One-liner Wednesday is hosted by Linda G. Hill. Visit her blog, it’s amazing.

Qualm

In exactly seven days it will be the end the school year. No matter how excited I can be about summer vacation, I’ve the qualms about being off for three months without a paycheck. My husband doesn’t want me to find a temporary part-time job. He constantly reminds me how short the summer can be in North Dakota.  Also, I’m picking up our granddaughters in Arizona the following day. They will be spending the summer with us. Our first plan for the summer would be camping at the lake. It’s their favorite place.

 I know I worried too much and after a while of rethinking I realize everything will be okay. My husband wants me to enjoy and relax, especially after being suffering with depression almost the entire winter. What can I say I married a wonderful man and after 34 years he still shows how important I am to him.

 

Daily Post: Qualm

Feeling Better!

I began watching what I eat and walking about a two months ago. Since then I’ve lost 20 pounds. I’m taking medication and I supposed its helping, too.  I’ve my days where I wake up feeling depressed and feeling lost. However, going walking every afternoon has been helpful. I love my walks, especially when my husband comes with me.

In two weeks, I’ve a checkup with my doctor and I anxious to see how my blood levels would be. It’s great when you feel healthy and stress free. I’ve my ugly moment; however, I feel I can control myself much better.

 

Daily Post: Better

Jolt

Very true. What was my little jolt? Yes, I know I’m 56 and it has me take a while to figure things out also appreciate them. The depression likes to take over, however I’ve made a decision to change for good. I’ve lost from my family so much that enough is enough. Not be able to assist to my granddaughter’s baptism, it has been the little jolt I need. I’m not at the family picture from that special day. I broke into tears.

 

Here is what I’m doing:

1-    Take my medicine for depression – I’m taking it daily.

2-    Take my medicine for my Type 2 diabetes- I’m taking it twice a day, no matter if they make me sick in my stomach.

3-    I’ve begin eating healthy and no more than 1200 calories. Watching what I’m eating and I’m keeping track with an app on my phone. I’ve already lose 10 pounds.

4-    I’m walking every day. It clears my mind. Plus, my grandson and my dog are loving it.

5-    Using less social media. I didn’t realize it was taking too much of my time.

6-    I went back to my online classes. I’m taking “Writing Fiction” and they’re fun.

7-    I’m reading more than usual.

8-    I’m taking the time to pray and meditate. It has been great for my soul.

 

I want to be happy and healthy. I can’t let the depression take over. It took a simple photo to make me realize how much I was missing.

Daily Post: Jolt

Healing

Since I stop being on social media it has been fantastic. I’m relax and enjoying other things. I get tempted to peak on my phone or computer once in a while.  However, I will get used to it and it won’t control my life. It was causing emotional stress and it wasn’t fun anymore. I’ve time to write daily filing up pages in my journal with positive thinking and working on my stories. I’m sure I will be back and then I will eliminate those friends and family and they would not have control of me.

Plus, I’ve begin with my spring cleaning and planning to start planting in my garden. Taking this break has helped with my depression and also with my type 2 diabetes. I don’t feel overwhelmed.  I didn’t realize how much energy I’ve waste with social media. I’m listening to more music, reading more than usual, and writing every day. I can’t believe I’m walking and feel more relaxed. I know everything in life has a limit and I was overboard.

 I’ve to let go what makes me feel unhappy like losing my mother years ago plus not having the help of my siblings with our dad. Yes, I need to let it go and heal my soul.

 

Heal

I need this

I’ve been dealing with depression what it looks like forever. I’ve days I feel great, energetic, and positive wanting to do anything.  However, it can change in a second feeling opposite and wanting to be alone. The mood swings are interfering with my life and hurting the people I love. 

My family wants me to make a few changes like eating healthier, meditate, and take a break. Lately I’ve been taking everything seriously and too personal and I need to stop. I want to be the person I was before instead I’ve turned on this moody and cranky person. It makes feel guilty and unhappy.

The word “pause” is a reflection on what I need to do. I’ve to reconnect with all the things that it makes me feel blessed.  My daughter has suggested to disconnect with social media for a while such as Facebook. When I open my account, it was to reconnect with my family and longtime friends. In the beginning, it was exciting to find them to look at their family pictures and how much they have accomplished. However, the fun and the excitement completely gone. Facebook has turned into a bunch of complainers who loves to spread their negativity. Sadly, I’ve to eliminate some from my list of friends, including family members.

I won’t close my account.  I’ve nice people I care very much, I simply want to take a break. Very soon school will be over and my vacation will begin.  It will be time for camping with my grandkids also planning a few trips out of the state.

For now, I’m keeping my Pinterest and my blog. I feel relaxed when I’m blogging or pinning of course, watch a few TV shows, too. Taking care of myself will be good at the end it will take me on a journey to a new me.

 

Daily Post: Pause